Clarity

There wasn’t one moment of clarity, more like a series of small leaks in the dam that all too soon could not be kept at bay. Another routine day of paperwork, teaching a class of adults who were forced into attending a course and who were promised a quick fix through it, a conversation with girlfriends over yet another busted relationship, the realisation that there wasn’t one person whose life I truly envied or could see myself wanting to live. (I don’t mean that to sound nasty I just mean that it wasn’t for me.) The slow nagging of the thought of a better way, no wait, not even a better way, just something that was different and lifted me out of the mundane.

I felt it was time before I knew it was time, just like when your body rises naturally from sleep on a good day, I felt it. I couldn’t describe it to anybody else but I felt that the time was right for change. Once I knew it was time for a change it still took a while to work out what the small steps were to make it happen.

It turns out the small steps were all mine and all internal. I knew what I didn’t want which was a start. I could see myself 5 or 25 years down the line and knew if I carried on in this direction it would more than likely make me miserable. I could have stayed in the job I was in, with little or no problems. It wasn’t mentally taxing; the people I worked with were on the most part a lovely genuine bunch and I could have sailed along to retirement without it taking a wrinkle out of me. Except for the nagging feeling inside, the little well of frustration and anger that I was wasting my potential and that if I didn’t shift myself I would never reach it.

I may not reach it making this move to Mexico and it could be a complete disaster but at least it’s a step….somewhere. A step in any direction is a step worth taking. At least that’s how I feel right now.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s