This week I have mostly been focused on decisions and on assessments. The assessments are part of the hoops that the exam board make you jump through before allowing you to mark the coursework component of their course. It’s fairly standard procedure but just a lot of extra work on top of the usual teaching stuff. Nothing I can’t handle, it just means that every extra moment has been taking up with it. Not fun but hardly out of the ordinary as far as the teaching timetable goes.
The decision stuff is slightly harder to deal with. It’s around this time of year that we teachers have to make our decision about staying here for the next academic year. I am so torn, I just don’t know what to do.
There are obviously pros and cons to staying and going and I am trying to make a decision logically. I tell ya, it sucks.
I love it here in Mexico I really do. I love the weather and the culture and the amazing bunch of people I’ve been lucky enough to meet. I loooooove teaching at my school. The kids are great and the staff are wonderful. The whole school has a relaxed atmosphere that I am enjoying being part of.
But of course the downsides are huge. Mexico is very far away from my family and friends who I miss on a daily basis. And also the pay in my job isn’t great which means I am limited in the things I can do. Plus I need to start thinking of the future (the dreaded R word) and making some sort of provisions for that.
Of course me being me I’m not just thinking, I’m over thinking. I’m now questioning all my life choices and decisions: Why didn’t I go to RADA when I was 17? Why didn’t I study creative writing at PhD level so I could be teaching in a university right now? Why couldn’t I have Judith Chalmers job on Wish You Were Here? ‘Cos that’s the type of job I always wanted – being able to run round the globe and tell people what I thought of stuff. Why can’t I make that happen??
I know whatever I decide in the end will be fine. Things will work out exactly the way they are meant to. The universe will shift me into the place I’m meant to be in, even if I don’t know it at the time. Even if it feels scary and weird at the start, it’ll be fine in the end. I just have to do what I normally do and trust my gut. Although right now, my gut is saying nada. It wants a drink of rum. Stupid gut.